A Woman in Law School

Lawful Lady tagged me and I'm just getting around to it.

Best Memory of my first year of Law School:

Wow, I suck because I really can't think of many great memories. I was really excited to get my grades back after the first semester because it made me realize that I was capable of passing. I was also very happy to know that I'm not a horrible writer. Writing has always been a weakness/phobia of mine.

Worst Memory of my first year of Law School:

The day I let my opinion run rampant and lost a good friend. Here's the thing, law school is a horrible place to really let your opinion and/or concern be known.

My first semester I made several good friends and tried to balance studying and friendships. After receiving my grades I knew I could do a much better job and vowed to really try second semester to improve my grades. In my attempt to study smarter I realized that some of my friends didn't like the fact that I was spending more time focusing in class, rather than on facebook or goofing off. These friends started talking poorly about me and expressed "concern" about my "behavior." In defense, I suggested that they too could probably benefit from taking classes a little more seriously, and then shit flew everywhere.

So here is what I learned about law school:

• classmates coming straight from undergrad still have a lot to learn in terms of their communication style, and from life in general.
• in addition, classmates coming straight from undergrad also have a lot to learn in terms of what "professionalism" really means. Law school is a professional school; what you say and do now I'll remember. So, while it's difficult to keep your mouth shut and hold your head high it might just help you become a more professional person in the long run. Yes, I said things I shouldn't have; yes, I apologized, however, continuing to bad mouth someone is just stupid. I'd rather be remembered as a hard worker than as someone who just wants to gossip.
• thus, I've come to believe that insecurity causes law school drama-----stay far away!!
• So far I have not met the best friends of my life here, and I feel much like New Kid who has a great post summing up similar thoughts.
• Always ALWAYS remember that you're in law school to get a job. Start working on your professional skills now. This includes learning how to listen, practicing patience, and building a strong work ethic. Yes, I want a summer vacation, however I also want as much experience as possible to help me become a better future employee.

Wow, that makes me sound extremely bitchy, gunner-like, and nerdy. Being slightly older than the typical law student has really left me a bitchy person when it comes to discussing law school. I'll admit it, I hate the drama of law school, however I'm beginning to realize that I enjoy the work that I'm doing.

So, in some ways my worst memory has really turned out to be a good thing for me. It really helped me re-focus on why I am in law school, that studying is important, and that my classmates aren't the kind of people I want to truly be myself with.

You?

Yes, we have a problem according to my Contracts professor (who I cannot stand). Apparently someone is signing in for someone else who is not attending class. And now we've all be told what horrible students we are, how our trust is gone, and how he just doesn't know how he'll proceed with roll from now on.

I hate being talked to like a child. And I am bothered that the entire class is being lectured because of an individual's stupidity.

I came across this piece over at Feministing, one of my favorite feminist blogs. Neko Case was recommended to me by a former roommate, but I never listened to her because, well, I rarely took advice or suggestions from this roommate because I just didn't. We had one of those friendships where you just keep saying "yeah, uh huh." in any and all conversations.

Then I woke up to Neko's voice on NPR one morning and fell instantly in love with her haunting voice. The fact that she grew up not too far from me excited me as well.

While the context in which I apply her words are different than the blog piece, I can't help but relate to the phrase "Don't let them tell you you're nothing." I'm finding that I'm reminding myself that I worked hard to get into law school, that it's a privilege just to be where I'm at. I'm reminding myself of the light at the end of the tunnel; the work that I desire to do; the bleeding heart liberal change I wish to inspire; yada, yada, yada. I'm working my ass off; I lack sleep, nutrition, and common sense and I'm struggling with my classmate's small comments which try to keep me believing that I'm nothing. "Nothing" as in my hard work is not going to pay off. It's to the point where I'm thinking of switching seats in my classes. I don't want to take this step mainly because I'm trying equally hard to balance being social with being studious. I also believe that I can work through the comments and the challenge of staying focused in class. The hard part is that these are supposed to be my friends. I suppose this is where the "oh so wise" 2Ls and 3Ls will laugh at me and tell me that there is no such thing as "friends" in law school but I'll refuse to listen. I think friendship is possible, it just might take awhile for me to find it. But right now I'm focusing on telling myself that I AM EVERYTHING! And the briefing, prepping for class, outlining and time I'm putting in will pay off. It will. And they will eventually learn that there are no casenotes for life after law school.*

And now for one of my favorite Neko Case songs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50dzxkJa1NE

(And yes, that is her LIVE. That voice is mesmerizing!)





* Casenotes are briefs you can purchase for your text book. Many law students choose to read these in lieu of their actual textbooks.

Issue: Is the issue that some of my classmates are driving me into depression and a constant state of irrationality present or my mind's creation?

Rule: When finals are approaching your fellow law student classmates will do whatever it takes to make you feel less of a person and make you question your humanity.

Application: My fellow law students have been very vocal about how much studying they've already done, how concise their outlines are, how their memos are finished and how they've already completed several practice exams. Some just make you feel inadequate in general in that they're quick to respond to any review question, small assignment, hypothetical, etc.

Conclusion: I don't like being around law students right now. It's not good for my health as they are a constant reminder of all the things I: 1) haven't done; 2) want to do; 3) want to find time to do; and 4) the reason why I don't study at the law library.


These people are driving me crazy and we have two weeks until our first final. I'm off to meditate as I don't do well with crazies surrounding me.

Have I mentioned to you that I have a closed memo from hell? Have I mentioned that even though it is closed my classmates spend a lot of time discussing it with each other? I don't know how I feel about this. On one hand I want to discuss it with people. On the other hand, knowing the memo is curved, I don't want people discussing it as I think it may give them an unfair advantage. I also see the point in learning how to do this by yourself. I really wish our professor would elaborate on how closed this memo really is.

When your professor practically spoon feeds you your first memo and cuts the umbilical cord for the second, you quickly learn you're like a deer in headlights.

I also hate that I only have two weeks for this memo. HA! Two weeks! I'm just waiting to have my ass served to me when I learn in the real world two weeks is too long.

Let's just hope that my deer in headlights moment doesn't flatten me into roadkill.

Then again, I'm starting to feel like roadkill with all this on my plate.

I was talking to one of my favorite people yesterday and she asked me if I was still sure about my decision to go to law school. It was weird since I was just thinking about this myself. I still stand behind my decision, however I'm at the point in the semester where I'm questioning my stamina. I know that I want to be a lawyer. I know that the skill set lawyers use is one that appeals to me. What I question is the drive to get there, to get beyond these next three years.

I'll be honest, I'm not exactly loving the material here. I struggle to stay awake in property and just struggle in general in anything civ pro related. So I guess the material is just bringing me down.

Hopefully learning about externships next week will be that invigorating pulse I need to jump start my battery before finals...

This post is just to notify you that I am neither of the above. In fact, I most likely have been labeled a law nerdette by the above as they avoid my very existence. I find this fascinating since it is obvious that they work to ignore my presence and they are absolutely stupid in thinking they can avoid people they deem unworthy for three years. Someone should tell them that their behavior now will only follow them into the future. I just can't wait until the day they acknowledge me in some fashion because it will be the day I sarcastically respond by introducing myself and pointing out that "you know, I don't think I've EVER seen you before!" HELLS TO THE NOS I AIN'T OFFERING ANY ASSISTANCE? WHAT? YOU NEED A PARTNER? YOU NEED NOTES? YOU WOULD LIKE CLARIFICATION ON A POINT? Go eff yourself after looking up decency and kindness.

Prior to law school I really wanted to believe that law school was not "high school with booze." However, over half way through my first semester I cannot think of a better way to explain it. The immaturity runs rampant here...and it just fascinates me.

Oh how I wish I was a sociology grad student!

We recently got back our memos, which means that I have an inkling of where I stand in my legal research and writing class. I'm not going to discuss my grade with you but I will discuss how odd it was to wait for the paper to be returned. My classmates were practically in tears waiting for their papers. Our professor actually brought tissue and for the third time, he went over the dreaded law school curve, how legal writing is a learning process, how we aren't going to be in the top of our class anymore, etc. I couldn't believe this! Really?

There was so much stress in the room I couldn't take it. I'm one of those people who inadvertently takes on other people's stress and just sitting there was making me ill. The one thing I was happy about was that I was ok about getting a bad grade. Law school is a learning process and I was prepared to maturely accept my grade. And I did just that.

Grades can be a very humbling experience. I just wish my fellow classmates would realize this rather than getting upset. Oh! But we did have that one person who gloated about their grade!

And yesterday, this same person "worked" on her paper before class, so her paper just sat there for the whole world to see. Really? I felt like asking her if she was planning on announcing her other grades as well. In some ways I'm surprised by her ego, however in other ways I'm really not surprised. In many ways I think she is our class gunner, as best defined by the urban dictionary of course!

This represents my feelings when my school schedules student involvement meetings, special lectures, and networking opportunities during my breaks. For once I'd like to be able to study or review for class during these times.

Can there be such a thing as having too many social invitations during law school?

For some reason there is never a shortage of boozing opportunities at my law school (three just this weekend), of which I have conflicting thoughts:

• If I go I'm losing out on prime study time, not to mention falling behind and not getting to all the other things my school reminds me I should be doing like outlining, reviewing, hypotheticals, etc.
• If I don't go I run the risk of labeling myself anti-social and lose out on getting to know my classmates outside of class.
• I want others to go so that they fall into my first bullet point. Since there is a curve I want to feel confident that there are people who will do poorly.* Whoever said law school isn't competitive can kiss my arse. I feel strange admitting this.
  
• I fear that my school sees networking and boozing as the same thing.
• I'm overwhelmed with having to choose between events that fall during the same time.
• I'm already exhausted and have no clue how others are able to juggle the studying AND the socializing.
• Again, see bullet point three.

*I wanted to use the word fail, however that would just make me sound like a complete selfish bitch and I like to pretend those words aren't true when it comes to the awesomeness I exude.

Apologies to anyone sensitive to the title of this. I just haven't had a date in a long time and can honestly say that I haven't done a lot of it.

I just spent an hour on the phone talking to a guy friend of mine who wants to ask out one of my favorite people in the whole world! I was excited because I think every single nice guy should ask her out. So my guy friend has decided that he wants to take her out HOWEVER I am not allowed to sneakily set them up NOR am I allowed to tell her that I have any role in this, and I don't. In fact I think it was merely the alcohol in J's system that suggested her to him, as J is very aware of the pure awesomeness that radiates from her. And she reads this so now there can really be no sneakiness. DRATS!

So what I'd like my friend to do is just go out with him. Have a nice dinner, a nice conversation and be done with it. Then she wouldn't be able to say that no one ever asks her out and she would be flattered by the thought that a guy thought enough of her to treat her to dinner. But knowing my dear, glorious friend I'm betting she won't do it. But why?

Why is it that some women out there just aren't interested in casual dating? And notice that I said dating and not sex. Isn't dating a way of meeting and weeding out potential mates? Has dating been replaced by e-mailing and text conversations?

My guy friend insisted that she know ahead of time that he would like to ask her out. He is tired of having friends suggest women to him only to find they aren't even interested in dating. Why do friends suggest other single friends if they know they'll turn dates down?! And he isn't crazy...he's sexy brilliant.

So dear fabulous favorite friend--go for it! If a man wants to buy you a nice meal and all you have to do is be your fabulous quirky self just do it! Isn't this what Sex and the City taught us? To enjoy life through friends and food? I'm sure you won't regret it. In fact you could love it. But I seriously doubt you would hate it.

I envy you. Seriously. I'll even let you take J as a chaperon if you want too. And here's the thing readers! He is interested in her intelligence, he wants a woman who can hold her own opinion and think for herself. I'd be sold in a heartbeat and it was the exact same thing that sold me on J, knowing that he found my intelligence attractive above all else.

In other news, my classmates are starting to hook up...and it is odd. Trust me, it's strange since it's difficult to keep straight at times. I'm also learning too much information such as who has given who mono thus far...eww...

I am curious about what you find annoying during class.

Here are a few annoyances of mine:

• LEG SHAKERS! Please stop! The noise and sight distract me.
• Texting, can't you wait an hour and a half?
• Watching your YouTube playlist. As mentioned previously I am totally sick of watching UFC clips during Torts!
• Asking questions to the professor as if no one else is in the room! SPEAK UP! USE OFFICE HOURS! The world does not revolve around you!
• Eating foods with noisy wrappers AND eating with your mouth open.

So, how 'bout you?

I was cold called today in Property and I hated it! Why? Because my professor doesn't call on students unless no one volunteers to present the case. I was pissed because she chose to call on people who don't speak up often. Well, yes I fall into that category HOWEVER I can count AT LEAST, fifteen other students who also don't speak up. And I have asked her questions on more than one occasion. It was a difficult case with difficult questions. Ugh...

I'm still trying to get that icky feeling out of my stomach...

My weekend was spent trying to get caught up and working on my office memo. I'm still not quite there but at least I am somewhere. The past couple of weeks have left many impressions in my already full noggin. One of which was a comment I overheard regarding non-traditional students. The comment, or myth as I like to call it, is that straight from undergraduate students have a better advantage in law school over those who took time off to work and are returning after a couple of years off from school. The advantage is that they somehow know how to study better...

WHAT?! WTF!

I forgot that working over 40 hours a week didn't mean anything. Working hard for my money was obviously something I failed to learn. I also really appreciate the fact that I DID NOT use any writing or analysis skills I actually learned as an undergraduate.* Further, this makes no sense what so ever for those of us who "worked" as graduate students.

So to hear that a small group of students seem to think they have an advantage over someone like me just makes me work harder. Sometimes I wonder where in the hell these people are coming from and where they get these crazy notions.



*Sarcasm intended

Tuesdays are my hell days. I have three classes with no significant breaks in between. Add to this the fact that I'm up before dawn so that I can get to class on time. And I'm usually not on time because my bus route has been running behind lately.

So I thought I'd tell you a torturous moment that happened last week. There is a girl in my class who drives me up the wall. She interjects into my conversations in a manner that is not polite or humorous. Instead she interjects with the purpose of telling me I'm wrong...well kind of.

Take any subject, it could even be a subject you're an expert in, and she will not only tell you you're wrong but she will also do it in a manner that is so defensive that I have to step back and remind myself that I: didn't ask for her opinion, do know the subject matter, and am not arguing with her.

The stupidest example was over weather! She told me I didn't know cold weather and that I would be cold this winter. Now, I know some of you don't know where I live but let me tell you that I moved from a place that is FAR COLDER THAN HERE IN THE WINTER! But she INSISTED that I didn't "know" cold weather. She didn't even give me time, nor ask, where I had lived prior to this city. It was stupid! But I was a little upset.

Why? Because we're in law school, a place where many people are coming from many backgrounds with a plethora of opinions. To interject and condescendingly tell someone else that they're wrong is just lame. She is lame.

When I approached her about her defensiveness, because there was more than one instance where she did this to me--with the last one utterly pissing me off, she told me that she can agree to disagree. I disagree that she can agree to disagree, because she was still defensive about it.

So, all in all I just have to laugh, shake my head, and remind myself that she is stupid for not taking the time to listen to someone's opinion and experiences. She is devoiding herself of learning. Just because I'm not a professor doesn't mean that I lack knowledge.

• felt lost in Torts
• felt lost in Civil Procedure
• got called on in Torts for the first time and struggled my way through a difficult case. My torts prof likes to ask challenging questions and is not sensitive to those of us who are confused. But I made it, didn't cry, and have all my limbs intact.
  
• office hours turned out to be great and I feel much better about my understanding of Property.
• procrastinated way too long on Legal Research and Writing assignment but feel ok about it. Not too concerned since it's not graded.
• coming down with either sinus issues or a mild cold, either way my netipot has been getting some good use.
• played Word Twist with another law student and lost. I'll get you next time!
• played my first game of solitaire during class and am trying to resist the internet. Sometimes I wish we could just move on instead of going over other classmates' hypos.
  
• am realizing who is full of themselves, who really has no clue about law but likes to think they do, and who is genuinely nice.
  
• have identified and labeled the Mean Girls
• have been utterly exhausted.

Now for a fun weekend of work! I've been trying to get all my reading and briefing for the week 2/3s done on the weekends so I can just review at night. It hasn't been the greatest way to do things but so far it is working. I'm wondering when I'll ever have time to fit outlining and practice questions into my schedule?!

Today I will do something I have not done as a law student. I will visit a professor during office hours!

I'll admit that I'm a tad bit nervous since my school makes it sound like office hours are for serious matters only and should only be done via appointment.

So I made one and I'll be there with an agenda in my hand! (oh, crap...I still have to do that)

Wish me luck!

• when sitting at a table where students are having a causal conversation with an Associate Dean DO NOT interupt us, change the subject and start schmoozing. Bad form.
• when responding in class do not reverse the student/professor roles and say "Exactly!" when the professor clearly knows their material. They don't need your affirmations.
• when volunteering in class do not talk so loud that others are cringing from your voice. We can hear you! SHUT UP!
• do not leave class just to talk on your phone unless it's an emergency. Putting your phone down your pants and leaving class, EVERY CLASS, EVERY DAY, does not send a good impression and I don't care how smart you think you are.

As you can see the annoyances are starting to catch up with me. It's been a long day...

One of the things about law school I'm not enjoying is how there is this "other" section. Who are they? Are they friendly? Do they have gunners and unfriendlies like my section? When do I get to meet them?

So far I haven't seen much intermixing of the two groups. In fact I think the administration is pitting us against each other...

However I was told by the only "other" I know that all the hot chicks are in my section.

Thanks...I think?

Dear Classmates,

Hi there. To those of you who are my new found friends, thanks. It's been nice to laugh with you thus far. But this post isn't for those of you who have been friendly, it's for the rest of the group.

Some of you may have noticed that I know and use your names even though we haven't met. Why? Because I'm friendly and we use name cards in every class so it's been super easy to know it. Yeah, imagine that! You see, I'm here to dispel the notion that you can go through law school without talking to your classmates.

So here is some advice. If I or someone else comes up to you and says "Hi, how are you?" try responding back. If I ask how your weekend was then respond. Say something! Say anything, just don't stand there all quiet and blank! Do you realize how hard and awkward it is to try and have a conversation with someone who clearly doesn't want to? Furthermore, do you realize that you're responding to me in a very not-so-professional way and we happen to be in a professional program!! Develop those skillz!

Also, if there is one bench outside of our classroom try not to hog it! If I politely ask if I may sit there don't scoff. I'm in every one of your classes and something as small as asking to sit is a ridiculous reason for getting annoyed. Especially this soon in the semester.

We will soon be starting week two so I'd like to remind all you Debbie Downers out there that pessimistic commentary regarding our orientation is no longer acceptable. MOVE ON! I also don't care to hear about your parking woes since I don't drive!

One last thing, I, unlike some of you, have a sense of humor. Maybe it comes with my refined age. Or it could come from the fact that I like to be relaxed and enjoy life. Who knows, it doesn't matter. Just try to understand that if I feel too much tension in the air I feel obliged to relax the mood. It's not a sign of stupidity, but if you'd like to think that way then by all means please do. I'd rather surround myself with laughter and enjoy studying law. I don't want to come out of this place and learn how dull I really am.

I hope you enjoyed your Labor Day weekend. I hope you didn't study all weekend. I hope this week y'all relax a tinsy bit.

Love,

Me