And now I get to play catch up.
In some ways, I urge each and every one of you to have your computer crash two weeks before finals.
So I lost it, as in my hard drive, and everything on it. I privately cried and threw my tantrum and then went to class. Enough of my friends knew that I had lost everything that the word spread. This meant I had other classmates come up to me and say things like "aw, shucks! That's too bad!" I felt like they just wanted to feel better about themselves. I was surprised by the generosity of others though. Some offered to help me, offered me notes, outlines, whatever I wanted, all I had to do was ask. This whole losing my laptop experience really opened my eyes to who were good genuine people and who weren't. It doesn't help that all this happened so close to finals and just before my final memo was due.
Without a computer I was forced to use the computer lab. It was there that I had a bad day and I started to realize what complete jerks law students really are. You see, there is this guy in my legal writing class who got an A on his first paper. And because other people were stupid enough to brag about grades he learned where some people were at in the class. Now I obviously know my grade, which was good, but the way he talked about other people's grades somehow made me think he ruled me out as being within the top third. This upset me as I could not figure out what gave him the notion that I wasn't "smart" enough to be up there with his "competition." It's also hard to accept that you're not seen as smart to your classmates. I suppose this should be a good learning experience prior to grades however I can't help but feel like crap.
From that moment on I went into a "screw you" mode. This "screw you" mode involves being a complete jerk to all those I deem jerks. This meant that I avoided jerks at all times and wore earmuffs to keep my sanity. I made jokes, I goofed off, I laughed. I did everything I could to show that I was not going to let these people get to me. I now know what it means to stay far away from any and all law students. They truly try to suck the very life out of you. Some will try to psych you out, others will try to only discuss obscure sub-rules of the material, others still will go on and on about how amazing their outlines are. Well folks, it ain't working on me!
In classic Cartman style my motto has been, "Screw you guys, I'm going home!"
...I look it at like this - those who are truly smart don't waste their time figuring out where their classmates rank. Just like the confident girls don't worry about their friend's zits.
You've got the right idea though. After my midterm that I did so well on, when one of my "friends" was so upset that I had done better than her, it occurred to me that she didn't think I could, or deserved to, do that well. She didn't think I was smart enough, or on top of the ball enough, or whatever, but it stung. Despite doing well on midterms she still makes it abundantly clear that she doesn't think I'm in the same league as her. So I decided to take up the "screw you" mindset too - let people underestimate me and then let them have the miserable time wondering how they did worse than someone who is "not as smart". Regardless of how I actually do, I'm definitely going to tell people that I did great, just to wipe some of the smugness off of their faces.
Good luck doing the same!